Fashion Mode

These are two tricks - or rules that when employed will lead to a happier, more fulfilling marriage.

TIME

Set aside time every day to spend with your spouse, alone, without any interruptions. You may not be spending time with your significant other because you're spending it with friends or family. It's healthy to have a life that includes many different people, from work colleagues to friends and family. Time, however, is a valuable, scarce commodity and for your marriage to be strong, you need to allocate time on a daily basis to your spouse. From the day you say 'I do' through the first years, the child-bearing years, the post-children, career oriented years, the retirement and twilight years, your spouse needs your time. In some seasons of our lives, we have long working hours or business trips that force us apart. Technology has allowed for us to stay in communication regardless of how far away we are. Take advantage of it. Take time to make communication while you are away a top priority by simply connecting throughout the course of the day wherever you are in the world. Make time to email, sms, Skype, whatever it takes to touch bases with each other so you can stay in touch. It's common for one partner to feel vulnerable while the other is away. Offset insecurities by regular communication. If life is mundane, children are demanding, finances tight and general pressures of life high, that's when it's most crucial to set aside time to connect. Date night, even if it's window shopping or walking in the park, or even putting the kids to bed early and scheduling an intimate evening alone, is essential to keeping the relationship fire going.

TALK

It may surprise you that I'm not referring to talking to each other. Of course, that's good and must be done, but under this title, I'm referring to what is said between you and your friends. It's fine if it's the latest car or fashion talk, but it's absolutely not fine if it's all your spouse's faults or the problems you are having on the home front. All the talking you are doing about your other half, with others, should be done with your partner. He or she needs to know what you are feeling when it comes to them. They need to know if you are irritated by a particular habit. It's really not fair for the whole family to know before your partner does! And it doesn't accomplish anything telling the whole family when you're not prepared to take it up with your spouse. Negative talk about your partner only poisons your mind. Talking with friends adds to the problem if they are going to side with you. They will aggravate your negativity by agreeing with you and telling you how bad your spouse is. Don't let your problems leave the two of you. If your problems are overwhelming, seek professional advice from an independent marriage counsellor who is outside your circle of family and friends. They can be objective and give advice that is unbiased to either of you.

IN CONCLUSION

If your relationship is stale the answer is to get back to basics. Practice being friends. Immediately set aside time on a daily basis to talk about the day's events, the garden, the house, the children, whatever. Just the two of you! You can quickly bring back the early warm fuzzy feelings you had for your spouse by reminding yourself of secrets you shared, the intimacy of whispering and laughing together, to the exclusion of all others. Go walking, even with the children, but hold hands as you go. Act like teenagers and you'll begin to feel like one again!